


Existence

by VitriolicHarli



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Eruri Week, M/M, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 06:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VitriolicHarli/pseuds/VitriolicHarli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ve never been one to want anything. Birthdays are idiotic, nothing but a big cry for attention on a day that no one but your parents cared about. Nothing but some sort of validation of existence. I didn’t need it. But you…” Written for Eruri Week Day 5 Prompt: Happy Birthday</p>
            </blockquote>





	Existence

He supposed he could blame it on his anxiousness to return.

He’d never been so big on celebrations and holidays. They were not of much use to someone like him. What was there to gain? But for the soldiers, especially the young members of the 104th it was a small reprieve from what was always considered the “last day of their life.” He’d promised himself he’d try hard because not only did they need to make it back, but he had someone to see when he returned.

That sense of urgency had given him wings. Though hitting that fucking tree so hard had pissed him off as well.

This desire, this will to survive that came caused him to be unable to feel the cold. When the last titan fell, the adrenaline rush did not die but increased as he realized he’d pulled them through. His orders had been right on the mark, his maneuvers were perfect, and his hands had been swift. Through his guidance his squad had taken down the threat with no mercy. Even Armin had managed to pull it together to save one of his comrades. No casualties and for that he was satisfied.

There was a sense of awe in the soldiers as they returned back, Levi choosing to let Hanji lead the parade back in since she was in command for now. The Survey Corps first return with no casualties.

It was the first praise he’d ever heard from the people behind the walls and he couldn’t help the softening of his face.

Once they reached headquarters he dismounted his horse and let the others lock it in the stable. He marched himself through the crisp snow towards the inner wall HQ, arms wrapped around his middle where the cold bit painfully into his sides. He was never one for the cold and often wondered why he was even born in the month of December. As he entered and trudged up the stairs, he could hear the dripping of the snow off his cloak hitting the wood floors as he made his way inside.

He was so very tired from the exertion and wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he swore that as soon as he got back, he come to him. He would be the first person he’d see. Once to the door, he rubbed his arms to rush the cold away and knocked politely on the door. Heavy footsteps approached as he leaned his forehead against the wood, feeling dizzy with fatigue. He coughed a bit, feeling it rattle his chest in a painful rush of air but paid it now heed. He just needed to rest and after this he would. He straightened up when the door unlocked and put his chin up high.

“Levi,” Erwin smiled in relief…but immediately frowned as his eyes traveled downward.

“I..had to choose,” Levi said as he brought his stained fist to his chest. “But I don’t like ultimatums.”

Erwin stepped forward to catch Levi in his single arm as what was left of his strength gave out. Erwin eased them to the floor as Levi coughed up clots of blood from his internal bleeding. Erwin shouted for a medic several times as he held Levi against him, trying to push the cold away from what was already sinking into Levi’s body. Levi’s hand gripped Erwin’s bolo tie, tugging it to catch attention.

“Hey, don’t ignore me,” Levi growled, his voice rough and wheezing. “I came all the way back cause you made me promise. I could’ve lain down peacefully in the cart and died. At least I wouldn’t have to trudge through that fucking snow to come see you.”

“Levi why didn’t you stop! Why didn’t you…” Erwin trailed off as he squeezed Levi to him as if a tighter hold would keep this from happening, cursing that he no longer had an arm to spare.

“I wanted to see it…” Levi murmured, his eyes dulled and glassy. “I’ve never been one to want anything. Birthdays are idiotic, nothing but a big cry for attention on a day that no one but your parents cared about. Nothing but some sort of validation of existence. I didn’t need it. But you…”

“Just wait Levi, stop talking! You should’ve gotten help, you idiot!”

“I said shut up, old man. I’m almost pissed that you’re old ass is going to outlive me,” Levi said closing his eyes and burying his face against Erwin’s shoulder. A gentle gesture contradicting his hateful words. “Besides, it’s your fault. You made me promise to celebrate my birthday. So I….I asked for one present. Something…the one thing I think I’ve always wanted.”

“What the hell are you talking about?!” Erwin whispered. “Just stop talking, save what strength you have.”

Levi turned his head so that he could look at Erwin’s face. “Yeah…I think I got it. Yeah, I know I did. I can see it in your eyes. You really cared about this stupid day didn’t you. Dumb old fart.”

Erwin’s stinging eyes began to overflow and he couldn’t hold them back. He didn’t bother trying. His fingers gripped Levi’s shoulders tight, digging into his skin hard enough to leave a bruise. “Levi…what…what did you want from me?”

“That face…” Levi whispered. “That face right there. That’s what I wanted to see…what I wanted to know. That stupid, furry-browed face you’re making.”

Erwin’s arm trembled under the weight of Levi’s suddenly relaxing body. “Levi, stop. Just stay with me!”

“Nah,” Levi said tiredly. “I just wanted to see if my existence was…meaningful…” _to you…_

Levi’s pupils dilated fully and film came over them as his went limp into the crook of Erwin’s arm. Erwin sat frozen. He could hear the stomping steps of others coming towards his rooms, but they were far away the small sound of Levi’s slowing heart.

 _Thud…_ A validation

 _Thud…_ Of your existence

 _Thud…_ was it meaningful?

_Thu…._

“You goddamn fool, Levi,” Erwin said softly, laying Levi’s body gently on the floor. He brushed his thumb over Levi’s bottom lip. Levi wanted validation…even though he knew it was stupid. He fought to make it back here just so he could know. Erwin could think of more admonishing things to say, wanting to cure and scream at the man who was no longer breathing. But all that came to mind to express everything wrong and everything right about this was one thing.

“Happy Birthday, Levi…” _Your existence has always meant everything to me…_

_-Eruri Week Prompt: December 25th Happy Birthday-_

 

 


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